Alternative Uses for Coffee

Sitting at my coffee shop again... after having thoroughly researched every good publishing company in the city for job openings, I thought I'd take a break and call my mom. We don't talk very often, mainly because we live on different sides of the country and also I'm not much of a chatty, phone talker.. but I thought it'd be nice to call and say hello.

I'm Persian (although whenever my husband hears me tell people that he laughs, "you're not Persian!"). OK, so I don't really cook huge, gourmet meals (like most Persian women) and I can barely speak conversational Farsi, and I don't wear black all the time and wear heavy perfume and make-up, so in those aspects I agree I'm not "Persian". I guess the more appropriate description of me would be Persian-American since I was born and raised in the States and have adapted more of the American culture than the Persian... but in any case, back to my original thought :) My mom is very Persian. And Persian moms, well, at least mine, have this way of using long, descriptive and often dramatic stories to "teach" you a lesson. I have always been unresponsive when my mom has in those rare occasions told me explicitly what to do... but if she can tell me some crazy story about something that happened to this woman she once knew, then I'm much more likely at least to amuse her and listen (and even sometimes follow her advice, although I would NEVER admit that to her).

This particular phone conversation had me laughing out loud in a crowded, noisy Starbucks, which also earned me some weird looks from some caffeine-deprived individuals. So my mom is telling me about how she took my older sister along with her to an appointment with this homeopathic doctor in her attempt to "convince" my sister to see the doctor herself. The doctor apparently was describing to my mom and my probably freaked out sister that coffee when ingested is not really healthy for you... BUT (and there is a pun here and I HAVE to use it)... when inserted.. ah hem... in the other end, it apparently works wonders to clear out your digestive system (or something like that). Unfortunately the only thing that I heard when my mom was telling me this (in Farsi, which I'm sure I'm probably not even getting the story right) was that, "hey, don't drink the coffee... stick it up your a**!). I'll have to remember that advice the next time I run into a rude and obnoxious person at a coffee shop :)